Erase it all StefanElena
by SterolineStelena
Summary: This story goes forward after 4x10. When Rebekah actually erased Stefan's mind. Stefan and Elena their relationship will get stronger than ever when they fall in love all over again. But there are always obstecals.. Like Damon. And what if Caroline gets in the way of the love of Stefan and Elena. Can they start over again, can they go back to the start and re-live everything?
1. Erase it all

"Do it, erase it all. Every memory." Rebekah turned herself to me. She looked surprised, all day she has been compelling, torturing and manipulating me. And now I surprised her, instead the other way around. A smile appeared on her face. She turned her head a little bit and she looked at me, she squeezed her eyes. "Excuse me?"

If this was a getaway, if this was a solution. She had to do it. In a few minutes, I would't even remember Elena. I wouldn't remember what she did, who she did it with and every other single thing we've been through. I wouldn't remember it, I wouldn't remember the pain, the guilt. the lost, the happiness, the feeling when I looked at her beautiful face. The feeling when I saw her smile. The feeling when I heard her cry. The feeling when she made me cry, Katherine, Klaus, Rose, Elijah, Rebekah, The Sacrifice, My ripper journdy, I wouldn't remember her. I wouldn't remember the feeling how every single piece of happiness got ripped out of my life, I wouldn't remember her telling me about Damon. Me biting her, It wouldn't matter.

"Stefan, no." I didn't have to look at her. Elena was crying, she looked scared and desperate. Wasn't I the one who's memory got taken away from? I toke a deep breath and looked at Rebekah,she came closer and her smile became brider. She looked into my eyes, I remembered how it felt forgetting Rebekah and Klaus. When I remembered them, I was confused but after that everything was back. But now with Elena, it wouldn't come back. Never. Rebekah looked into my eyes. "Stefan, please!" Elena begged but we both ignored. It felt like I could almost touch it, I didn't know what, happiness? Without Elena I might be happier. But Elena brought a lot of happiness in my life, too. I was almost there. And then Rebekah spoke. "As you wish." She whispered. Elena stood there, watching us, she didn't do anything but crying. "No.." she whispered soft and her voice sounded broken, like she was out of breath.

"You will not remember anything about Elena Gilbert. You will not remember her, every single moment you spend together, every kiss you shared. Every touch, every word you spoke to each other. You will not remember anything since you heard the car crashing on the Wickery Brigde. No any look, nothing. You will forget everything that is even close to Elena Gilbert. You will not remember her, or every tear you shared, every lie. You will forget all the pain she caused you. You will not remeber, Elena Gilbert." I listened to what she said,

I closed my eyes, and went back. Elena and I sat on a table with Caroline, Elena and I on the porch, Elena and I got locked up, I safed Matt. I kissed Elena, Elena and I went to a dance, Elena and I danced together at the Mikealson's ball. Elena slapped me, I bit Elena, she ran, Klaus slapped her. I was with Klaus In Chicago, I called Elena, Klaus drank from Elena, Damon fed Elena his blood, Elena and I at the lake house, Elena got kidnapped, Elena and broke up, Katherine... everything. Like I was watching a movie from the end til the beginning. Now, I saw myself, standing in the forest, haunting. It was quiet,, I just got back to visit my uncle, Zach. I opened my eyes and I saw Rebekah, her eyes, Now I only saw her eye. Her pupil got bigger and smaller again. I squeezed my eyes together and opened them again.

A blonde girl stood infront of me. It toke me a few seconds to remember her, I've never seen her but yet I knew who she was. Wait I knew her from the 20's she was with Nik, I remeber us feeding, killing , having sex. I smiled soft but was confused. My mind was complicated to describe, where the hell was I? How in hell is Rebekah standing here? My breathing was heavy, my clothes. They were different... "What did you do?" A voice asked, now I saw everything clear, Rebekah, behind her stood another girl. It was dark here and the door was broken. The girl was crying, oh my god. Katherine. "Katherine?" I asked desperate, she is alive. Katherine is alive. But she compelled me to love her, I shouldn't love Katherine anymore. Why was Katherine crying. 'He doesn't remember anything since he heard the car crash on the Wickery Brigde,he does remember things like Caroline, Bonnie, Tyler, Katherine me and Klaus. But not clear, and it's gonna take some time until he remembers us clearly, but it would never be clear because he doesn't know how he knows us." Rebekah spoke to Katherine.

"Stefan?" Katherine asked. "Katherine, how are you alive?" I asked while I didn't understand where Rebekah was talking about. "So, I'm getting out of here, by kids." Rebekah said and she walked out of the door. "Wait.. what did you do?" She smiled and I could smell her smell, it still hasn't chanced over the years. Katherine was wearing a jeans, and a blouse. She was still crying. "No wait!" Katherine yelled while Rebekah dissappeared. Katherine didn't act like the Katherine I knew, she was scared now, I've never seen her like this. And she spoke differently, was that because she was crying, or because something is really really wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

Katherine. Katherine Pierce, the so selfish manipulative bitch who ruined my life. And she stood here, Katherine Pierce. I swallowed when another tear dropped down her face. "Stefan.. Please. Tell me you remember, tell me you know who I am. Please." She begged while crying. I looked at her, Katherine. No, Katherine wouldn't be this deperate. Katherine wouldn't care this much..? How did I know that? Then A lot of mermories pumped up in my thoughts, I sat with Katherine in a car. Katherine was calling Damon, I don't know about what. I saw Katherine in a tumb, now she was biting Jeremy.

Every memory of Katherine was back, but very strange. Because most of the things were like I could only remember the half of the reasons why I was with her. I did remember how she was alive. I can remember what a nasty bitch she was. The girl infront of me didn't look like that. "Stefan.." She stopped talking seeing my face. "No.." She whisepered and I looked at her. "You.. are.." I tried to remember, but there was a big hole.

"Elena, Elena Gilbert. I'm me, It's me Stefan please." I closed my eyes, nothing. I opened them again and I looked at Elena. Elena Gilbert. I couldn't even recognize the name. I could sense she was a vampire, I didn't smell the fresh human blood in her veins. Elena stood there, breathing, heavy, crying. She touched my face, her fingertips touched my jawline, to my chin back to my ears then to my cheek. Her touch felt, warm, safe. I looked into her big, brown eyes. "Stefan." She whispered, her breath on my cheek. Elena. I wanted to remember, but.. what was I suppose to remember.

I swallowed and I looked at Elena. The silence brought me to something else. Damon. "Damon.." I mumbled soft. I knew he was back in Mystic Falls. He had Killed Lexi, Zach, and a lot of other people, he was a problem for me. I couldn't quiet understand why. "Damon, your brother. Damon I called him to come back before we got locked up, he'd be here soon. He knows we are here, Stefan.. Damon can help you. He is your brother, remember?" I looked at nothing, I just stared infront of me, yes I did remember that. "How do you.. know him?" Another tear dropped down her face. She bit her lip and looked at me. I frowned while looking at Elena and I blinked a few times.

"Rebekah, we have ti find her, she can make the compulsion go away.." Elena was talking to herself, "Stefan.." She didn't touch my face anymore. "Elena! Elena! Where are you!" A girls voice yelled. "Caroline?" Elena yelled and now she started crying. A blonde girl threw the doors wide open and she ran to Elena. "Tyler and Damon are looking for you two. Tyler is in his human body again. We can go, the compulsion is gone." The blonde girl looked at me. "Stefan.." She sighed and looked at me, with compassion. Why did she had to have compassion with me?

"Caroline..." Elena cried. "What?" Caroline's eyes became big and looked at Elena. "Rebekah compelled Stefan." The girl looked at me. "To what?" Caroline asked surprised and shocked. Damon and another boy walked into the room. "She compelled him to forget, about me. He forgot everything, he doesn't know who I am and.." "Oh my god.." Caroline whispered and she looked at me. Damon looked at me with a shocking look. "Brother..." He whispered and he walked to me while Elena set a step away from me. "Brother." Damon repeated. I was just quiet, looking at everyone's reaction about something I didn't even understand. "Stefan.. It's me Caroline.. Does he remember us?" I couldn't hear the answer because now I saw Caroline, standing wiht blood on her face in a girlsroom, in shock. Crying. She was upset about a lot. I remembered who Caroline was, when she was human and a vampire. How did I know her? "Caroline, are you oka?" I whispered and I looked at her, She was my friend, best friend. I thought about Lexi. She was killed I knew how and I saw it happen but I don't remeber when or how I saw it happen.

"Damon, can you help him?" Damon swallowed.. "I.. I don't know how."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'll.. try, hey brother.. Are you okay?" I must have looked like an idiot. But.. what the hell was going on? Damon, my brother. Damon Salvatore stood infront of me, I could remember everything about him, but very strange. Just like you remembered a dream, but you never remember the entire thing.

I looked at Caroline, the pretty girl with the blonde hair, obviously a vampire, she also looked upset. "Damon.. since.. since when are you back in town?" A soft smile appeared on his face when the corners of his lips turned.. His hands grabbed my shoulders. "Everything is gonna be alright." He whispered with a worried look. My memories got wiped. Obviously, Damon, Caroline, Tyler - Caroline already said his name, and Elena.. Elena, the girl like Katherine, Katherine didn't have a child, did she? That bitch lied more then breathed.

"Where the hell is barbie Klaus?" Damon asked and Tyler latterly looked around. "Somewhere away, so she could save her own ass, she probaly knows we'll try to find her." Caroline spoke. "No! You guys.. Look, we can't pay our attention to Rebekah now, We have to pay attention to Stefan. Dont you understand where he is going through?" Elena yelled at us. They spoke, I listened, looked and just stood their. Like a child of three years old trying to understand a conversation between parents. Or wathcing a movie in another language. You'll never know the complete story. I sighed.

"Elena, calm down." Elena was upset, she wasn't going to calm down because Damon said, but she did. How well did they know each other? Elena instanly calmed down. "We have to find Rebekah so she can uncompel him.. So we can save him." Caroline chucked. "So what.. we're just gonna leave town and look for her? Like she didn't expect that, and what about Stefan?" Everytime I heard my name, I knew someone's face was gonna turn into a sad face, Elena's. She was obviously sad about everything. "Do you have a better idea, vampire barbie?" Damon yelled at Caroline.

"Yes. New plan! Elena and I stay with Stefan, you, Klaus and Tyler look for Rebekah.." "Wait a sec.. Klaus? Since when is he inolved." Damon looked confused. "I'll talk to him, He'll listen. to me. He knows Rebekah better then anyone.. And he also knows, without Stefan, there is no way to find the cure." I swallowed. "Cure? A cure for vampirsm?" Caroline nodded. "How did you know?" I closed my eyes. 'I have no idea.." I whispered.

"Elena... Is that okay with you?" Elena looked at Damon. "Yes, You'll leave, Caroline and I will stay." She said without blinking. "Are you sure, I mean Damon and..." "I'm sure, Caroline. Like I said, we have to pay attention to Stefan. I'm not going to give up or think about anything else, until I know he got it all back." "Well I'm wondering why would he wanted to erase it all? Huh, Elena?" Caroline asked, kinda bitchy. "No. Bitch. Fight!" Damon said, like he was talking to two little kids. Elena was defenitly hurt by what Caroline said, where.. they friends?

"So, Stefan. You do remember me? Just not from what,.? Huh?" I nodded, she was definitely right. "Well.. I'm friends with Elena. That's how you know me." "Katherine turned you, your mother is a vampire hunter.. Tyler is your boyfriend, I remember it. But just not from what,. and.. " "I get it." Elena walked up at me. Caroline walked to Tyler. "I'll talk to Klaus." She said and she ran away. "Stefan,..." Elena whispered. "So.. Wolf-Boy. Come on, pack your bags. We need to go, find your girl." "She is not my girl, but Elena is yours right? Why won't she come? Caroline can deal with Stefan." I looked up, his girl. Right, but why was she crying about me then?

"Just come on." Damon mumbled. They left and Elena and I stood there, just like before they came. "Stefan, we need to talk.." Elena whispered. I smiled soft, at Elena. Elena.. She was pretty. She was crying, I wanted her to stop crying.. "Are.." "Are.." We spoke at the same time. She sighed. "Are you okay?" I asked before she could.. "Well.. besides the fact your memory got wiped, I'm fine." She said with another tear dropping down her face, "Why.. Why did Rebekah do this?" Elena sighed again.. "I'm sorry, Stefan.. I..."

I hope you guys like it so far. Let me hear what you think to comment below.. Do I have to write forward?


	4. Chapter 4 Letting go

'You said you wanted to.. talk.. I mean.. I'm just standing here like an idiot. And.. you're obviously upset. You and Caroline, you guys are friends..? Right?' She nodded and her marble soft hand touched my neck. Her forehead touched mine and I could almost feel her sadness. 'Please.. Stefan. Come back… please.' She whispered and I felt a tear of hers on my body. 'I.. I'm here.. I just..' She nodded. 'I understand. You need to know a lot, before I tell you everything. You need to know.. what happened..' I shook my head and Elena looked confused.

'I mean, a full name and place would be nice. And a reason why Rebekah did this..' She nodded. 'You don't want to know anything else..?' I thought about it. 'Uh.. yes. One more thing. What kind of relationship do we have?' I said with a smile, but there was no smile on Elena's face. 'I'm Elena Gilbert.' Gilbert, of course I knew that name. Jonathan Gilbert, I killed him. So she was from the founding families. 'I'll show you my place and.. our relationship. You gave me a necklace, one you found in the twenty's. You told me that, I was the one keeping you fight, keeping you from giving up. You told me you came back to Mystic Falls to start a live with me, you told me that, you met a girl, and we talked.. it was epic.' A few more tears dropped down her face when I realized what we had. I was in love with her. And she was in love with me, but she was Damon's girl. 'Stefan.. let me bring you home. We'll.. talk. Until you want me to leave..' 'Wait.. you didn't tell me the reason why my memory got wiped..' Elena nodded and touched my hand. 'I'm the reason.' She said and I looked surprised. I didn't expect anything, but if I had to. I didn't expect that. As I was waiting for her to answer my reaction, she just stood there, looking at me. Was it so hard for her to just understand that… I had no idea where she was talking about. I had no idea, who she was.

'Let's, just go home.' Elena said, after she spoke a soft sigh escaped from her lips. I nodded and closed my eyes. I frowned my eyebrows while I looked at the girl. Elena Gilbert. 'Yes. Let's go home.' I looked at the ground while my eyes found hers again.

'We should go for a walk, so you can see everything better. And air.. I need air..' Elena said while she wiped a few tears away with her fingers. She took a deep breath through her nose after that the air went into her mouth through her lungs. 'No tears anymore.' She said with a soft smile. 'You're going to come home. I promise, I'll help.' She whispered as the look on my face turned into a different look. Just like hers, first Elena's look was sad, worried, angry.. All the emotions at the same time. Now the look on her face turned into a look that shows, how brave she is. Like she planned something out. She looks at it in a positive way.

'Yes.. but before we go. Elena.. are.. are you okay?' She nodded. 'Your memory got wiped, Stefan. We all are worrying about you.' She stopped talking and looking confused at the ground, a confused chuckle came out of her mouth. 'What is it?'

'Stefan, you have no idea who I am. And how is it, that even when you don't know who I am. You still worry about me?' A smile appeared on my face and my eyes showed love. 'Well.., ask me that when I know the answer.' She nodded and we started walking, out of this.. school. I've been here before, just don't remember why.

_Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. And if you don't know where you're going with that bicycle, any road'll take you there. But I've learned something from my mother once..;_ _Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail If I've only learned one thing of life, of the pain, of the truth.. is that.._ _Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. But, now, I've created and found myself, how can I do that all over again? Elena tells me there is a lot to tell me, but that I have to wait.. to hear it. But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie. 'Cause right now, everything can be a lie. About that path…. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be. Safe, here, with all the struggles I've been through, with all the rocks I had to move.. I'm here now. And memories are important. And if you can forget them, doesn't mean you can let them go. Because I can't. And I won't. _

Elena gave me my phone. She showed my pictures from, her and me. So happy. I smiled, I wanted to feel that love again I just didn't feel it. 'Stefan.. Caroline's dad could resist the compulsion of Damon. He told us if you really don't want to know it, you can resist it. You can try..' I quickly shook my head.

'Maybe.. maybe forgetting.. is the best way.' Elena looked confused and tears appeared in her eyes. 'Stefan, listen to me, I can't forget. I.. love..' I blinked and she stayed quiet. 'Stefan.. I love you.. Might not like I use to.. But I want you to get your memory back.' 'Like you use to?' She rejected my question and looked at the picture on my phone. 'It isn't going to work.. is it? They're going to look for Rebekah, but she probably won't even listen. She'll run. And.. then everything is for nothing.'

Elena cried. We were standing in the Salvatore boarding house. In my room. My bed was clean and it smelled clean, I haven't been here in a while.

I mentioned a photo, one of Elena and me.

'Look Elena, I don't know.. what happened. Or what is happening, but it happened for a reason. Maybe we both just have to let go.'

'Stefan how can you say that?' 'Because I don't know you. You keep talking to me like we have history, but I don't know you. Or anything about you, so as much as that hurts you it also hurts me to hear all these great stories about myself.' I sat on my bed. 'But I don't know who you are.' I yelled mad at Elena.

'I know. But I.. I can't let it happen this way.' Caroline walked into the room. 'I'm sorry I interrupt but.. Tyler, Klaus and Damon are leaving. I convinced Klaus..' Elena nodded and Caroline walked closer to us. She was wearing different clothes now, she was wearing high heels and a scurf with a t-shirt and a blouse. 'Elena, Damon wants to talk to you. Goodbye and all.' Elena nodded and wiped her tears away, she had to stop crying.

'Did you say goodbye to Tyler?' Caroline nodded. Elena walked out of the room. 'So, why don't we chat a little, Stefan?' I nodded. 'Yes. Let's talk.'

'I heard you talking. Maybe letting go of the past, is a way to start the future.' I nodded slowly. 'Caroline.. can I ask you something?' She nodded and looked at me with a smile when she sat next to me on the bed. 'But first. Just know that, you really loved Elena. But.. there is a reason why you wanted this..' 'Wait what? I wanted this.'

Caroline bit her lower lip and nodded. 'There is a lot I need to tell you. But I don't think you want to hear it.' I breathed heavily. 'No I don't.' After I spoke, the silence broke into the room. We listened to it, enjoyed it. This silence.. it was the loudest party work I've ever heard.

'Maybe you need to say goodbye to Damon?' Caroline asked. 'I think he needs his time with Elena. You know, Elena talks to me all the time. About love.. hate.. I don't know. But.. it's like you have to read a book in a saga, it's the last book and you haven't read the first one, the second one and the third one. But You're trying to understand the fourth one.' Caroline nodded.

'Maybe this book, opens more about book number 5 Stefan. You know, Lexi visited us once. I don't know if you remember I never told you, but when I searched for Elena I saw her. I saw Lexi, after I saw Anna and Mason. Lexi told me, that I needed to help you. Keep an eye on you, so, that's what I'm going to do.' She whispered.

'Caroline, thanks for stepping by, I think I can handle it from here.' Elena said and Caroline stood up. 'Sure, Elena.' I sighed and rolled with my eyes.

'Maybe you should go back to school, Stefan. Maybe it gives you memories back.' I raised both my eyebrows. School?


	5. Chapter 5 Klaus and Caroline

_It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want._ _We learn something from everyone who passes through our lives.. Some lessons are painful, some are painless.. but, all are priceless. _

School was seriously the last place I wanted to go, I didn't need memories. Before I could open my mouth the speak, someone was already talking.

'Stefan, mate. He's not going anywhere, Elena.' I looked around, just like Caroline and Elena. We all looked at a face, this face was very similar to me, not only the face, but also the voice. Klaus.

'But, Klaus, maybe he gets his memory back. You need him.' Klaus gave us a fake chuckle. He leaned against the wooden wall in the doorway. 'My loves, isn't it impolite for you to enter his room? This is the only personal thing he has.' Klaus said, like he cared, he didn't chance at all. 'Klaus why aren't you gone with the rest?' Elena's voice sounded, annoyed, tired.

'Why so impatient love?' Elena rolled with her eyes. 'The sooner you leave, the sooner you find Rebekah. The sooner you get the cure.' Klaus walked slowly closer to us, the bed and Caroline.

'I'm not getting manipulated by you. Who do you think you are? Yes. I want the cure, but I think Stefan wants the cure too. Not for you, sweet Elena. For himself. So, he doesn't need to remember his pure love for you, to want the cure.' Elena looked surprised, hurt. 'He wanted to find the cure, for me.' Elena whispered.

'I think Stefan, knows what he wants. Isn't it Stefan?' I swallowed and looked at Klaus. I frowned my eyebrows and looked at Elena. 'I have a question actually, Elena. I understand you want me to remember you, but I remember Damon and Klaus clearly, because I met them before you. I remember Katherine, Rebekah, Caroline, Bonnie, Tyler. Just very strange vague, like every memory is filled with fog. Like you see the half of a picture. So why would they, I mean, Klaus, Tyler, Damon and Caroline to get my memory back?' With my question, I made Elena swallow, and quiet.

'Stefan has a point. And why would he want to remember you, Elena?' Klaus asked, with a smile on his face. Elena walked out of the room.

'That was rude.' 'It was the truth.' Klaus answered on Caroline's opinion. 'I know I may sound, stupid. But she has feelings, she wants you to remember your love for her. To remember your history.' Caroline mumbled. I heard the footsteps of Elena on the stairs, she ran outside, I heard her breath heavily and she was crying. I also heard Damon and Tyler outside.

'So, you guys aren't going to find Rebekah?' Klaus nodded. 'Yes, I'm going to find her, I do need her to help me with the cure.' I nodded. 'Cure? I remember the story of Silas and Qetsiyah' Caroline smiled. 'You do?' I nodded soft let myself fall down on the bed. 'Stefan, why don't you rest? For some days, weeks, months.. we can give you years.. I mean, your mind must have been all fucked up.' Caroline said quickly with a soft smile.

'I.. don't need rest. I need the truth.' 'But, what if you can't handle it?' Klaus asked, he walked to bed and sat on it. 'You know, I hear Elena, breathing crying, I see pictures, hear stories. But who is she? And who am I… with her?' Klaus laughed soft and quick.

'I don't know what to do mate, all I know is that, your love for her… it wasn't.. it wasn't able to stop. And you'll do everything for her. Even if that meant a hero, or a ripper. You'd do it all..' I nodded.

'You know, the thing is, I want to feel that love. But I don't feel it, I don't love her, and I don't feel happy, I feel empty.. Fucked up.' I looked a Caroline and she smiled.

A few hours later, Klaus and Caroline left to their home. Tyler and Damon decided to stay in Mystic Falls too. I didn't want them to leave. I still lay there on my bed, listening to the breathing of Damon, who sat downstairs. He was drinking bourbon, Elena sat next to him, or on a chair next to the couch. I couldn't quiet describe that. All I could hear is that they sat close to each other. I was looking at the ceiling. They were obviously thinking the same as I was thinking. Which was nothing, I wasn't thinking anything. 'Elena.., why don't you talk to him.' Damon has probably said that a few times by now.

Every time Elena answered with a soft. 'No.' or nothing. This time Damon stood up and walked to the stairs, I heard him coming so I decided to get up. 'Hey, brother.' I raised my eyebrows and nodded. A soft: 'Hey' escaped my lips. 'Quick question. Where have you been living for the last three years?' I rolled with my eyes, I honestly didn't know the answer, but it must start with an E and end with lena. So.. I wasn't even guessing.

'Not funny.' 'Yes it is. Steffie, listen…, there is sitting a girl downstairs all upset, she.. loves you.' Damon said the last part with his eyes squeezed together. 'Just stop, Damon. I don't know.. anything. Right now, I just really like it for you and Elena to leave me alone.' Damon laughed.

'You want her to leave you alone?' I nodded. 'Yes! So get the hell out of my room please!' I yelled aggressive. Damon nodded. There were so many things I didn't quite understand. About Elena.. I loved her, she loved me, Damon loved me, Damon loved Elena, I loved Damon, Elena loved Damon.. So.. messed up.

_I've come to realize that the only people I need in my life are the ones who need me in theirs even when I have nothing else to offer them but myself. Sometimes life is about the ability to believe in where you are going even when you're not sure what lies ahead._ _And when that path ends your life ends you have to realize that we all die. The goal isn't to live forever, it's to create something that will. In the end, I'm going to die one day. Maybe I'll live my forever, but if it is a million years, or a half.. I'll die. But I'll remember I was looking for something… _

I opened my eyes, I was awaken. I listened to the silence again. Someone had to understand my silence, if no one understood it, no one will understand my words either. Damon and Elena still were inside, I was too tired to realize where they were. They probably didn't know I was awake yet.

'Elena.. let me take this one.' 'Damon.. please, don't use the sire bond or anything else right now. This is about Stefan. I'm telling you that I love you.. okay? But I have to help him.' Damon was definitely annoyed by what she said. 'Elena..' 'Damon..' I thought about Damon a lot the last few hours, he has forgiven me, I have forgiven him. What did Lexi use to say about forgiveness? "Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive." Lexi really does have some beautiful life lessons. Why did Damon kill her? 'Elena, he is awake. Go talk to him.'

Please review, thanks for the readers and the reviews! Tell me what you think! Ideas are welcome!

xx


	6. Chapter 6 Start Again

I didn't expect Elena to come, and even if she wanted, she wouldn't just run upstairs. But Elena didn't move, at least that was what I heard. Damon walked away, when I asked him to go. He didn't comment or fought back, he just left. And not just my room,

'Bye, I'll know when you guys are done.' Damon told Elena. I heard the front door closing. Damon was gone. He left. Ever since I woke up, I'm trying to put myself in Elena's shoes. But I never loved someone so much as they are telling, only Katherine. And I loved Rebekah, but I wasn't in love with her, and my love for her ended. What if Katherine forgot who I am? I wouldn't care, she compelled me. So, you see. I couldn't put myself in her shoes. But I had too. She didn't know what to do, she was desperate. She wanted.. my memory back. Say it out loud, it sounds insane. I was waiting for Elena to enter my room, to hear her footsteps on the stairs. To get me nervous. Maybe.. she didn't have to do everything. I could make it easy for her. I bit my lower lip and walked to my room door, straight to the stairs, and I walked calm, downstairs. I wish she could feel how I felt. I wish that she could see all that's left of me, and trust that part.

Elena turned towards me and her hair flew in the air, and now it hang over her shoulders. She sighed ad swallowed, I looked at her, she changed her clothes. I think she is wearing more comfortable clothes now.

'I can burn some calories too, you're not the only one who has to talk and walk all the time.' I said with and a comfort look calmed Elena down. She closed her eyes and smiled soft. 'Stefan, look. I really wanted to apology, about earlier. I'm pushing too hard, for something that's too heavy to move.' I nodded and I walked to Elena.

'Everyone has been saying, that I might have to try harder. But.. why do you want me to get my memory back so much?' Elena smiled. 'We can talk. I think that's good, not for your memory.. but for us.' I had no idea, what she meant. But she was right we had to talk. Elena walked to my couch. Well. The couch. On the table between the chairs and couches, there was this small wooden table. On that brown wooden table, Elena placed two cups with coffee.

'Can you tell me.. why? Can you answer my question.' Elena nodded. I could see she was fighting, she had to be strong, she didn't want to break down crying right now. She had to hold herself together. ' Yes. I can…' She tried to find an answer. The words burned..

'Actually, I can't. I cannot answer your question, not that I don't want to, but.. I don't know why I want that. I just want you to remember, everything we've been through.' Haha, everything we've been through.. Yes.. That.. No. I do not know where she was talking about.

'Is it worth it? Because every lie tortures me. ' Elena sighed. 'I.., we were happy but..' 'Wait, if we were happy and I was so in love with you. Why would I want to forget, why would I do that to you?' Elena again swallowed. 'Sorry.' And then the silence broke into the room.

'Happiness, never lasts. You… know that story.. In every relationship there is one who gets away. Painless,' I chuckled and looked at Elena. 'I'm.. I might got away, but not painless.' Away from what? Our relationship. Elena nodded and looked into my eyes. 'Would you wanted to get away? If you had the chance.. would you want to forget? Like me.' Elena had to think about that question for a while. She closed her eyes, when she opened them again, tears appeared in her eyes. With my look I tried to comfort her.

'Yes. I would, I would want to forget all the pain…' Pain, so I've caused her pain too. Interesting, what did I do? Cheat, abused..? I sipped from my coffee and Elena wasn't finished yet. 'Not, pain.. As in you've hurt me but.. Pain as in regret. The pain of guilt from my decisions..' I took a deep breath and looked at Elena. 'So, if we could start over again, you wanted that.. Forget everything.. everything I've forgotten.' Elena smiled. 'Yes.' 'Even if that meant forgetting Damon?' Elena looked surprised.

'Who filed you in on that? Was it Caroline? Klaus?' I smiled with a chuckle. 'Filled me in on what?' Elena rolled with her eyes and sighed from relief. 'Elena, is there something I need to know, I mean.. if it's about me. Your relationship with my brother is none of my business.' The tears that Elena tried to hid escaped her eyes. 'No.. it isn't.' She whispered, but she couldn't look at me while saying that.

'But, my answer stays the same. I mean, you know your brother. He always plays a part in everything, so in this too.' Wow.. wait, he played a part in this. 'I know my brother very well. But.. what is his part?' Elena shook her head. 'I'm not touching that tonight. But if it meant, that we could start all over, from the start. From the day I walked into you after I preached on my brother. I'd forget everything I've ever seen or met in my entire live.' I smiled.

'Okay, how about this. You tell me everything, including Damon.., we might start over again.' Elena rolled with her eyes, tears were gone, she sipped her coffee. 'How about no?' I smiled. 'Why not?'

'Because.. you'll know everything. You'll feel the pain, but you'll never feel the happiness.' She had a point.. I'll feel the pain of my history, but never the happiness. I looked into Elena's sparkly eyes. She blinked a few times and my gaze went to the ground. I just gazed and stared for a few seconds to the ground. She remembered everything, it's so strange to know. That I did things with her, around her and she remembers but I don't. Lexi use to say: "Remembering something all too well, might be a way to let go and try to forget."

'I'm Elena.' Elena said suddenly, I looked with a confuse gaze at her and she smiled. 'Stefan right?' I rolled with my eyes and chuckled. 'E.. Elena, that isn't going to work, trust me.' 'Why not, starting over, that's why you forgot, to relive it.' 'No, I think I wanted this because I didn't want a life with you.' Elena seemed to be upset about what I said. 'Oh, we're going to be casually and cruel in the name of being honest, now?' I pulled my shoulders. She was asking for a lot from me, I couldn't just.. act like I didn't know we already had a history. But we could make a new one, and there my gaze went to the floor again. I seriously stared for at least five minutes. Minutes seems centuries if you're waiting for an answer. I wasn't waiting, Elena was. After another 25 seconds.. I closed my eyes..

'I'm Stefan.' My voice was lower, because even if I didn't know what was going on.. I felt like I could cry too. But I didn't instead of that, I tried to make it easier.. who is Elena? Why does she have this thing I can't describe? And what is she doing with me?

Review if you liked it? Do I have to write more. Xx Thank you for the readers.


	7. Chapter 7 Damon Leaving

'I know.. we have..' she stopped talking and she shook her head. I smiled and looked into her yes, I saw my own reflection in her brown eyes. 'What..?' I asked confused and curious. 'Nothing, I… I'm just really tired, can we talk more tomorrow?' I nodded and a soft smile arose on my face because the corners of my lips turned into a smile. 'Of course we can, we can talk whenever you want. And we'll keep talking and talking, if that's going to help.. I'll try.' Elena nodded and she leaned with her head against the soft arm of the couch.

She looked at me one more time and then closed her eyes. 'Hmm.. can I get you a blanket? Or.. something else?' She shook her head and opened her eyes. 'I'll probably won't be able to sleep, and this couch is soft, I'm okay.' I nodded. So what was I supposed to do.. just leave? Elena gazed at me, I could almost feel her eyes on my skin. She stared, gazed. 'Do.. do you mind me going..? Or do you want me to stay? I..I already slept so.. I.. hmm..' She chuckled. 'I don't mind if you don't mind.' I smiled and just sat on the couch. Elena did her best for her legs to not touch mine. Because I sat on the other side of the couch.

I grabbed her feet and placed them on my lap. She smiled, after a few minutes of listening to the silence, her eyes were closed for a few minutes already, she was sleeping. I gazed at her, her lips, nose, hair, closed eyes, eyebrows.. How could I even think in the first place this was Katherine? Katherine was hot, sexy and pretty. But Elena was beautiful. I very slowly and quiet stood up and placed her legs on the couch. I walked to my room, grabbed my blanket. With my vampire speed I was in a second down stairs again, Elena didn't move a bit. I put the blanket over Elena and my hand accidently touched her hand.

I think Elena didn't know it but she grabbed my hand and held it with both of hers. 'Elena..' I whispered. What was the problem? I didn't know but it just felt uncomfortable. I stood there next to the couch waiting for her to let go of my hand. I didn't want my memory back, not because I liked it this way. Because I'm scared. Something must have happened.. something I can't handle. I'm weak, a coward. But I'm protecting myself, for the first time in a long time.

'Brother,' Damon said soft while he opened the front door. I looked surprised at me and just pulled my hand out of Elena's hands. Damon was quiet because he saw that Elena was sleeping. I looked at Elena, and while she was sleeping, a tear dropped down her face. To the side of her face, she was even crying in her sleep.

'How long has she been sleeping?' I looked at my brother who walked back form the basement to get blood. I had other things on my head then blood, cravings and hunger.

'A few minutes. Almost 10 maybe.' Damon nodded. 'Not time to wake up, yet. Trust me, she's grumpy in the morning.' I nodded. Some things weren't quite complete in my head, about Elena, Damon and me. Our relationship, but I really didn't care. How was that? Every time I tried to think of it I couldn't.. Was that the compulsion? I didn't care, but I should.

'Brother, I need you to.. to do something for me. I'm going to leave tomorrow morning. I'm going to pack my bags and search for Rebekah. Not only for your memory, but the cure. You deserve it, so does Elena. But when I'm gone, you promise me not to hurt her? No matter how much you hate her?' 'Where are you talking about?' He rolled with his eyes.

'Remember Stefan. There is a lot you don't remember. Just.. do remember I'm doing this for you, but also for her.' I frowned, wait.. what?

'I can't explain everything now, I'm going now, I have to discuss some crap with Klaus.' 'O.. Okay.' But he couldn't answer because with his vampire speed he disappeared. 'Stefan! Stefan, please! I'm sorry! Please don't.. don't leave, Stefan! Please, stay with me… please..' Elena suddenly mumbled soft and I looked at her. She was crying and all sweating. She kept screaming and yelling. She had a nightmare? About me? Of course because I'm such a bad dream! Even though I didn't want to wake Elena up, she looked really sad and scared. 'Elena… Elena.. wake up.' I whispered soft, she wasn't if I kept talking so soft.

I knelt in front of the couch and my hand touched her head. I rubbed slowly and her hair felt soft and warm. 'Elena..' I said again, this time a little louder. Elena didn't wake up, but after that, with my hand, I squeezed a little. Elena grabbed breath and her yes shoot open.

She was breathing heavily and cried. She was wet because of the tears and sweat. 'Stefan! Stefan!' She looked around her. 'Stefan?' She cried and asked. 'I'm.. I'm here. Are.. are you okay?' I asked awkwardly. She nodded. 'I'm.. no I'm not. But I am so sorry, for everything, Stefan. I.. I.. hurt you so much, and this is my fault. You.. don't remember who I am and that is my payback for everything I've done and.. and..' She stopped talking and she let the tears drop down her face. I just sat there, watching her, listening to her.

'Elena. Why do you feel so bad about everything. You didn't hurt me at all, I mean, not that.. I remember,' She swallowed and cried. I pulled her face into my shoulder and she cried forward in my shoulder. Both her hands were pressed about my chest and she just cried, loudly.

'Stefan, you're hurt?' Honestly, I wasn't. I was confused, sad.. but I wasn't hurt. 'No.. No I'm not hurt. I'm.. confused, not hurt.' She nodded and the door opened. Damon again? No, it was someone else, I didn't know him. A guy, human, blonde hair, blue eyes. Elena looked up.

'Matt..' She sighed. Matt? I tried to think of Matt. 'Who the hell is he?' I asked and Matt walked up to us. 'Hey, Elena. Caroline told me to check up on you two. Is everything okay? You're crying.' Didn't he see or hear me? Who was Matt? I closed my eyes and everything came back about Matt. Just as weird like Caroline, and Tyler.. so not clean.


	8. Chapter 8 The roof

Matt, I remember that I fed him my blood, I remember that I was yelling at him to get Jeremy out, I remember grabbing him… underwater? I only saw him, not anyone else.

'Matt, thank god you are here.' I realized I was sitting on the ground now, I was leaning backwards and thinking, wondering, staring. 'Caroline send me, is he.., okay?'

'I'm fine Matt, I'm okay.' He nodded and walked towards Elena. Elena smiled soft, a relaxing, relieving, conforming smile. Matt calmed down and walked to the couch he sat on the place I've sat earlier.

'So, are we going to take a pause with killing originals, finding the cure and letting Jeremy kill vampires?' I remember something about Jeremy, I was making him kill, why was I doing that Why did I want that?

'No.' Elena answered. 'We're not, I am, I want Stefan back.' Gosh, how could I come back? 'Why don't you find Rebekah then?' Elena shook her head and looked into my eyes, Elena's brown, big, beautiful eyes were sparkling. 'I want to stay with Stefan,' 'what about Damon? Where does this all leave him, and seriously, WHERE is he?' Matt looked around. 'Damon left, he's not returning to Mystic Falls any time soon.'

'What?!' Elena shouted and looked surprised at me. 'Was Damon here? Why didn't you wake me up so we could say goodbye, Stefan?' 'I was a bit too busy listening to my brother telling me he was leaving plus not knowing he was talking about.'

'Oh my god I have to call him.' Elena whispered, Elena obviously loved Damon. 'He told me I had to say goodbye to you,' and with that Elena backed down and leaned in the couch.

'Wasn't that the solution against the sire bond?' 'Matt…' Elena sighed and Matt shut his mouth.

Sire bond? Elena was sired to Damon? Right.. more shit to come I guess.

Elena swallowed. 'He'll come back, I know he will, I need to focus on you, Stefan.' 'What about school? Jeremy and everything else that is going on.' 'School, am I on school?' I ask surprised if I were, damn, why was I still going to school. 'Yeah, only for Elena.' I looked down at Elena and she just gazed.

'Maybe, it'll help, school. Maybe it'll.. give you some memory back.' 'Elena, why would he want that?' Matt asked and Elena rolled with her eyes, I could see she was annoyed, I wasn't, because what Matt just asked was a question we all have been asking. Someone just needs to tell me what happened.

'Why don't you just tell me…'

'I can't Stefan, because if I tell you, we're with the same pain, we can't start again and I can't go back and undo it all.' 'Well, it's the truth Elena, you'll need to face your mistakes, it'll make you stronger, wiser, braver, but if you can't even speak the words, if you can't even tell me what happened…,'

'I'm leaving, I'm going to visit Tyler and Jeremy.' Matt walked away. 'Matt, wait!' But he was already gone.

'I'm sorry, Elena. I'm..' 'No, it's not your fault, none of this is.' I stood up and walked to the door, just like Matt did, silently.

'Stefan please, don't go, don't walk away I'm so sorry, please stay, don't leave me, stay with me.'

'I think you need some time alone, to think, talk to yourself, hear yourself…' Elena shook her head, 'No, hear me out before you run away.'

'Elena, trust me, I'll come back.' I whispered, I knew where I was going, I knew what I was going to do. 'You don't, just promise me you'll be on school tomorrow?' I closed my eyes,

'I don't know yet, you'll see me sooner or later.' I opened the door. 'Stefan, no!' Elena ran to me with her vampire speed and she lifted her hand, she placed it on my check and the other in my neck, through my neck.

'I want us to be equal, our intentions, do you really want this to work?' I nodded. 'I guess so.' 'You need to want it,' her hand went through my hair, it felt good, warm, safe. Elena sighed and the hand on my cheek moved to my chest, the place where sue to be a beating heart, a pure heart. A heart were wasn't pulled a bullet through by my own father.

'I love you.' She whispered, I placed my hand on hers. I couldn't feel the love, I just couldn't. 'you don't mean that do you?' Elena leaned backward surprised. 'It sounds, like I'm compelling you to say that.'

'Stefan, no I love you. I do, not.. like.. that. I guess.' I rolled with my eyes, like what? Like _in _love? I wouldn't know, I wouldn't even care. I wasn't in love with Elena. I said, there it was. I didn't know her, but I was attached to her, not only because she looked like Katherine, because we had a history, no, because she had something, just a thing that… When I looked at her, I saw something, sparks just.. fly when I see her smile but.. every time she looks at me I feel like I'm forcing her. She doesn't love me like that, and I wouldn't care.

'Can we go somewhere?' Elena suddenly asked after a long time of silence. I nodded slowly, not sure where we were supposed to go. She grabbed my hand and walked with me outside, she closed the door and on the porch she jumped, she landed on the roof and I heard the house crack a little.

'What are you doing?' I asked looking at her, it wasn't dark, it wasn't light either, the sun was coming up, the skies were light blue.

'Your turn.'

'_Your turn.' Katherine yelled, her purple dress and corsets were beautifully on her beautiful skin. 'Wait, princess. I can't run that fast.' Katherine was running in a normal human speed, but we've been running a long time by now, I couldn't even see the houses, farms and bars from here, the distance was too big. Katherine stopped running and walked towards me, my breath was heavy and I was sweating._

'_Come on, show it to me.' I rolled with my eyes, 'There is a reason I'm not in the army yet, I'm too young, I'm not sure if I can do it.' She shook her head and smiled. 'You can do it, trust me. Just be confident.' Katherine said whispering in my ear and all my insecurities disappeared. 'I'm not certain I can beat you, you're the most powerful here, sweetheart.' I said and Katherine looked at me from a distance. She looked at my shoes, pants, belt, coat, neck, face, eyes, hair. When a nasty smile appeared on Katherine's face I prepared my attack._

_I ran to Katherine and she ran away, on a human, girl speed. But she was faster as me, again. Her curls were waving in the wind and I had to look good to see where I was walking because it was dark in the forest. I jumped over a big rock and chased after Katherine. She giggled and screamed when I came closer, she was laughing, happy, after everything she's been through, that was all I wanted._

_After 30 seconds running I came closer, and Katherine let me catch her, I jump on her and now she lay on the ground, her hear spread over the floor._

'_Mister Salvatore you make my dress dirty.' My face was close to her and I could smell her, I could smell her sweet smell, Katherine smelled the best._

'_I'm sorry, Miss Katherine.' Katherine had told me that I could call her like that the first time we met. I admired her, Katherine. She was so good, beautiful, pure, from the inside and outside. And my face came closer, as I touched her lips, our kiss was passionate, I felt her lips on mine, one hand on my back the other in my hair._

_Katherine was breathing heavy, I wasn't sure if that was because of her blood lust or pleasure. She kissed my neck and that tickled but it felt good. Better, it felt like she was kissing me on every single place on my body, but then, she pushed my head aside and bit, I felt her fangs in my skin and the blood, it hurt, a lot. I wanted to scream, but Katherine made it feel good after her first sip. I pulled her head to my neck and I moaned, from pain. But also pleasure. I stroked her head. Her hair felt soft and I was breathing heavily and yet another moan escaped from my lips._

_When she was done she saw I was upset. 'I'm sorry Stefan, I needed too. I was hungry and.. I'm sorry, you'll be okay, you did again a very good job tonight, thank you for keeping me happy. I love you Stefan. I'm sorry.' She said while she pulled my head in her neck so I could rest. _

'_Now drink,' She said looking me in the eye, I didn't want to but my body did do it. And I didn't complain. I drank her blood and my wound in my neck healed. 'Just relax Stefan..' She whispered. 'It's your turn.' _

'Stefan?' I looked at Elena, the memory of Katherine made me realize how stupid I was, not only for doing what she said, but also for thinking Katherine was Elena, Elena was nicer, sweeter, she had a pure heart. I guess.

'Stefan? Are you okay?' I was back on earth, back to the situation.

'Yes, I'm fine, I'm coming!' I said and I jumped. Elena smiled and she sat down.

'I want to talk, I know we have but now I want to tell you the truth.' I did what she did and sat down.

I listened to what Elena told me, she was telling me from day one until now. Her story was long, I needed to pay attention to fully understand, but it was nice. Talking, laughing, sobbing.

'So, I had vampire blood in my system but nobody knew, when Rebekah wanted to kill Alaric, she killed me. Meredith saved me with her vampire blood and Alaric… he.. died.' She had told me about Jenna, John, her parents it was horrible what she had been through.. all because I brought this into her life?

'This is all my fault.' She shook her head. 'It isn't, it's life.' Elena hadn't mentioned Damon in anything. 'So.. how does that make you feel?'

'Besides the fact that I danced without you even begging, it.. feels strange, I don't know who I was, who you are.. were.' She nodded. 'I understand, but we'll keep talking, right?' I nodded.

'Yes we will.' I said stroking a hair lock behind her ear.

Elena leaned against my shoulder and she was breathing heavily. 'I just.. I can't believe after telling you the story the first thing you think is that it was your fault.' I chuckled.

'Is it that weird?'

'it's sweet.' Elena whispered and she was quiet after that. She stayed quiet, then I realized, she had fell asleep. I kept sitting there, feeling Elena, listening to her breath. It felt safe. It felt home. Even though I had no idea who this girl was.. I liked Elena. After all I was also a 17 year old guy, who has learned, has been in pain and has loved. And who now.. wanted to love this girl. But didn't know how.

I grabbed Elena in my arms very quickly and jumped off the roof, I walked into the house placed her on the couch under the covers. I knew she had woken up, but she stayed quiet.

'Sleep well, Elena.' I whispered. 'See you on school.' She whispered in her sleep and I walked to the door. Silently and I closed the door.

**Thanks for reading! I love to hear your ideas and my apologies for the long pause. I was really busy! Please review and let me know what you think! Shell I continue this fanfiction? What do you like to see, do you guys want more? **


End file.
